4.05.2014
Out of Practice
Two happy posts in a row ... not a record here, but it's probably close! I hope that all the happy sharing didn't step on anyone's sore spots. I hope it didn't come across as crowing about my good fortune, because that would be obnoxious. When I say that I'm lucky, what I'm feeling is humbled, not proud; I deserved this good luck no more than earlier bad luck. More to the point, there are still no guarantees about the future. All I can do is try to take in the good when it's here.
I wish that I could savor it longer. One of the worst things about infertility, I think, is the relentless need to hurry. Already, we're moving ahead with the next step of PGS. The results will take up to two weeks, which reminds me: I'm really out of practice with the two-week wait! I've had cycles with nothing to transfer, and ones that were canceled due to weather and other issues. Now the stakes, and the anxiety, are rising.
After a winter frozen in this state of numb waiting, I'm out of practice with both positive and negative emotions. Not for long, though...
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Don't feel bad about feeling happy! I think as infertiles we deserve to focus on that happiness as much as we can. :) And boy do I hear you about that need. I was just saying to someone else that lately I've been feeling so restless, like I need to be DOING SOMETHING even though there's not much to do for the next month until my consult for IVF#2. It's so annoying.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how much energy we spend just on "managing" our emotions? Probably in part because there are so many times when there's really nothing we can DO, like you said.
DeleteEnjoy the good!
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