If you're here as part of ICLW, welcome! (If not, you're still welcome! And you might want to check out the ICLW list, since it includes a lot of great blogs.)
It's been a year since I participated. Last time, I was new here and still reeling from a miscarriage late in the first trimester, after TTC for a while. I'm still trying. This past year, I've tried IVF both with and without stimulation. In fact, I'm in the middle of a no-stim cycle now. The Timeline page has more details, and the Index page has a list of posts that may be a good starting point.
Whenever I start listing the TTC facts, a rebellious feeling kicks in. But wait, I want to say. There's more to me than lab results and treatment lingo! Except ... there hasn't been much more lately.This is all so draining, important, and time-sensitive that it's easy to forget how I also love reading, photography, spending time outdoors ... and some other stuff I can't seem to remember right now.
These past few years, mindfulness practice has helped me to maintain some balance. So has gentle exercise. So has connecting with other people, even (especially) when I just want to curl up into a ball. Really, anything that gets me out of the worry-loop in my head and out into the world tends to help.
Lately I've realized what a habit it's become to rein in my dreams and shut down my feelings. You know—it's the idea that if we don't acknowledge our desires, we won't be disappointed when they're not fulfilled; if we don't let ourselves feel joy when it's here, we won't miss it when it ends. But avoidance doesn't work. It just sucks the energy and motivation out of life. Instead, I'm exploring ways to stay open to hope without clinging to one specific outcome.
Anyway, feel free to look around, make yourself at home, and comment on anything old or new. And best of luck on your own journey!
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Hope without clinging to one specific outcome....That is a great thing to strive for! Well said!
ReplyDeleteGotta admit it's a struggle ... but it feels really important to try!
DeleteI haven't done ICLW in a long time, but I am so glad I found you and your blog through it. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks -- and likewise, Stasy! :)
DeleteJust found you through ICLW, and I'm very much looking forward to reading the rest of your blog. You sound like a strong chick who's been through a lot. It's hard not to cling to that one outcome you've been dreaming of for so long, and I've been doing it for a long time. I have let other parts of life slip even when I couldn't do anything to work towards it at the time. Trying to get there one day at a time. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's so true. It has a way of taking up our minds and hearts even when there's nothing practical we can DO right at the moment. One day at a time for sure.
DeleteHi from ICLW and welcome back to it! It is soooo hard to look back on your time TTC and see only medications and treatments and not much else. We give so much of ourselves to this process...but the end goal is so worth it (or I hope it is! I haven't gotten there yet, lol). Thanks for commenting on my blog and I look forward to following you!
ReplyDeleteWell, I hope that you do get there soon! Meanwhile, it sounds like you're finding many moments to enjoy, which sure helps with mental health. Thanks for stopping by.
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