The Loop

About that last post: it was something I stumbled across, which totally caught and held my eyes. I don't know the story behind it. The mystery was what drew me in.

There's no big personal symbolism there—not for me, anyway, although clearly there must be for someone. (Personally, I'm neither a burned-out wreck like that house nor hopeful like that sign on the door.) It just seemed worth sharing, especially at a time when words have been failing me for weeks.

Actually, it's paragraphs that are my problem. Lots of words have been coming up, one or two at a time, in a loop:

How can this be? (…that the happy ending is really not going to come, that time is passing so fast, that excitement about future growth has contracted into fear of further loss)

Who cares? (…about all the mundane daily things I need to do, which don't relate to Finding A New Purpose; I try to weed out these thoughts before they take root too deeply, though)

Ouch. (…when unexpected reminders come up, like the maternity pants in the back of the closet)

Later. (…when I think about just donating the pants somewhere and being done with it)

No. (...when I think about officially ending the TTC effort, and also when I think about starting it again)

How can this be? (…that I'm feeling so very stuck)